Why expressing feelings is a powerful tool for the highly sensitive man.
Being
a sensitive man can present unique challenges as men are still held to a
standard of masculinity that does not often include showing their
feelings. Being a highly sensitive person involves struggling to cope
with feeling overwhelmed by sensory and emotional information and the
stress of modern life and finding opportunities to express those feelings can be difficult. But with an
understanding
of themselves and an appreciation of their traits, highly sensitive men
can find their sensitivity is both a gift and a strength.
Since high sensitivity means that we are absorbing large amounts information from our
environment
on a daily basis, one of the most challenging aspects of this condition
is coping with the feeling of being overwhelmed. Sometimes we’re aware
of it, like when we walk into a room and the music is so loud it hurts.
Some of the information we absorb we do so unconsciously. We’re not
always aware of the effect that the boss’s bad mood is having on us, for
example, or the stress generated by a busy schedule. But whether we’re
aware of these stressors or not, they all take a toll on us. It’s the
way we deal with them that makes the difference between health and
sickness,
happiness and despair.
While many people do not understand the reasons for a highly
sensitive woman becoming upset over the sound of a screaming baby or
overwhelmed by the crowds at a fair, they will still usually accept her
reaction. Highly sensitive men are not often accepted in the same way.
Men are expected to hide their feelings, suck it up, and soldier on.
The
result is that men often bury their feelings in an attempt to conform
to social pressure and as a way of dealing with the feelings they
themselves struggle to understand. This kind of compartmentalising of
emotions, that is, separating your feelings from your thoughts and
actions, is often an
unconscious coping tactic. By stuffing unpleasant feelings, such as
anger,
fear,
anxiety, worry and hurt, into an imaginary box, a man can find it
easier to move on. Unfortunately, you can’t pick and choose which
feelings go into the box. If one goes, they all go, including the
positive ones, like happiness, enthusiasm and love. This strategy may
make life easier for the highly sensitive man, but it also makes his
life flat, cold and ultimately lonely.
Without the practice of
showing their feelings, it can be difficult for men to even know how to
begin. What’s more, it becomes increasingly difficult for them to even
be aware of what they’re feeling. Consequently, when someone does ask
how he is feeling, he responds that he is fine, that there’s nothing
wrong. The problem, however, is that he becomes emotionally distant from
those people he cares about and who care about him, making it nearly
impossible for him to receive the love and support he needs.
Compartmentalising
your feelings can be a useful and often an essential technique for
coping with overwhelming feelings when you are in a situation that
prevents emotional expression. For the highly sensitive man, however,
becoming aware of and expressing those feelings on a regular basis is
crucial for maintaining a positive sense of self, as well as being a
powerful tool for lowering stress levels. HSPs experience so much
stress, thanks to environmental overload, that facing their feelings is
fundamental to their health. Pushing feelings away does not make them
disappear. In fact, feelings tend to grow the longer you avoid them.
This might explain why some men appear to be calm and coping well, until
they suddenly explode with anger. It just all becomes too much.
Recognizing and accepting yourself as a man who is highly sensitive is the first
step. Sensitivity is a gift, not a weakness, and it means that you are
creative, empathetic and able to appreciate wonderful sensory elements
in life like music, art, fragrances and colours that other people often
miss. Being highly sensitive also means that you have an ability to help
others. Burying your feelings is easier, but talking about your
feelings takes courage. By becoming aware of your feelings and learning
to express them, you not only draw loving people towards you, you can
also teach others how to cope, simply by being an example of that
magical combination of sensitivity and strength.
Dr. Ted Zeff has researched highly sensitive boys and men in five
countries, and notes there are some distinct cultural differences. For
example, North American (U.S. and Canada) HSMs (highly sensitive males)
who reported that they had supportive parents as boys and who played
group sports as a boy were “never” or “rarely” teased for being
sensitive., and most sensitive boys in all countries indicated they
“usually” or “always” thought there was something wrong with them during
their childhood, and didn’t fit in with other boys. - From my post: Ted
Zeff on highly sensitive boys and men
http://highlysensitive.org/371/
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