When I completed
Elaine Aron’s Highly Sensitive Person Self-Test, I checked 24 statements. Out of 27.
I checked everything from being bothered by bright lights and loud
noises to getting startled easily to trying to avoid mistakes to not
watching violent movies or TV shows.
Maybe you can relate.
While there are many differences among highly sensitive people
(HSPs), we have one thing in common: HSPs have a sensitive nervous
system that makes it harder to filter out stimuli and easier to get
overwhelmed by our environment.
For instance, the sound of sirens and other loud noises might
reverberate like nails on a chalkboard through your head. (They do in
mine.) Crowds might make you especially uncomfortable, while strong
smells make you feel sick.
Being highly sensitive isn’t a disorder, aliment or flaw; it’s simply an innate trait, according to
Ted Zeff, PhD, author of three books on HSPs, including
The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide and
The Strong, Sensitive Boy.
Unfortunately, because we’re not like most people, HSPs tend to worry
that something is wrong with them. (According to HSP pioneer Elaine
Aron’s research, about 20 percent of the population is an HSP.) As an
HSP himself, as a boy, Zeff recalled feeling shame for his sensitivity
in a society that associates masculinity with being aggressive, tough
and stoic.
Today, the idea of masculinity has largely remained the same in our
culture with a few added pressures on both genders. Our world is a
fast-paced one, filled with even bigger crowds, louder noises and
shorter deadlines. Even the pressure to constantly stay plugged in with
social media, email and texting can be tough on someone who requires
regular peace and quiet.
But there are ways you can effectively cope. Below, Zeff shares his
tips on how highly sensitive people can traverse today’s overstimulated
world.
1. Set a bedtime and morning routine.
For at least an hour or two before bedtime, shut down all electronic
equipment and engage in calming activities, such as reading an uplifting
book, Zeff said. Keep the morning calm, too. Spend 30 minutes centering
yourself by practicing yoga or meditation, he said. You also might
journal or read, he said.
2. Identify your triggers.
Again, all HSPs are different, so it’s important to determine what
stimuli trigger your discomfort. For instance, Zeff’s friend, an
architect and fellow HSP, didn’t mind the deafening noise during his
home remodel. (He could tell the workers to stop any time.) Similarly,
one person might pass on violent movies, while another lives for them.
3. Plan ahead.
If you’re sensitive to loud noises and crowds, avoid seeing new
movies on a Saturday night or eating out at peak times, Zeff said.
Instead, see an early showing or go on a weekday, and have an early
dinner when restaurants tend to be less busy, he said.
4. Work around triggers.
Planning ahead doesn’t mean avoiding the activities you love. For
instance, Zeff loves to travel. But traveling is one of the noisiest,
people-packed things you can do. To tune out triggering noises, Zeff
brings his iPod with calming music, earplugs and construction-style
earmuffs. He also books hotel rooms on the top floor, at the rear, which
tend to be quieter. When he’s staying with family, he brings a white
noise machine. If noise also bothers you, consider noise-canceling
headphones or CDs with soothing sounds.
5. Investigate current stressors and solutions.
If you’re in a super stressful job, consider why you’re staying, and
be open to all options, Zeff said. One of his clients, a chef, worked in
an upscale restaurant in San Francisco. The stress got so bad that he
developed ulcers and digestive problems and had trouble sleeping.
Because he was living in such a pricey place, he believed that he
had to
make this much money. He and Zeff discussed moving to a calmer, more
affordable area. Months after, he got a job two hours away from San
Francisco, and his rent was half the price. And even better, his health
problems went away.
6. Remember your gifts.
Even though being highly sensitive isn’t a flaw, you still might feel
bad that you’re easily bothered by things that others aren’t. There
have been many times that I wished I enjoyed roller-coasters like
everyone else (as if riding roller-coasters somehow makes you brave),
didn’t freak out when I heard a loud bang or wasn’t so sensitive to
others’ critical comments. Many times I’ve felt embarrassed or weak or
strange.
But HSPs also tend to have many positive qualities, including being
creative, conscientious, loyal and deeply appreciative of the arts, Zeff
said. (Douglas Eby, a Psych Central blogger, shares
five gifts of being highly sensitive.)
7. Take mini retreats.
Zeff stressed the importance of downtime. He suggested getting away
at least once a month and relaxing several days a week. Enjoy nature (if
you live in an urban area, visit a park) or get a massage, he said. Add
calm into your week with activities like aromatherapy, he added.
8. Engage in gentle exercise.
Zeff recommended hatha yoga, tai chi and walking. If you like
exercising at the gym, pick a facility that’s not so noisy or wear a
headset, he said. It’s also better to exercise before 6 p.m. or 7 p.m.,
because it takes a few hours for your nervous system to calm down, he
said.
9. Speak up.
Non-HSPs simply don’t notice loud noises or strong smells or other
stimuli that might be bothering you, so speak up. For instance, say your
co-worker talks loudly on the phone. If you think they’ll be open to
adjusting their behavior, first build a rapport with them, Zeff said.
Then explain that while they’re not doing anything wrong, you have a
trait that makes it tougher to tune out stimuli (which about 20 percent
of people have), he said. You don’t want to interfere with their
lifestyle, but maybe they could speak more softly or when you’re on
break, he said.
HSPs also tend to get more upset over hurtful comments, Zeff said.
“If someone [has] an abrasive personality, speak up.” But remember to be
polite. “Don’t become an insensitive sensitive person demanding
everyone…shut up.”
10. If seeing a therapist, see someone who knows about HSPs.
Interview three therapists and ask if they’ve read books about HSPs (such as Elaine Aron’s
Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive Person: Improving Outcomes for That Minority of People Who Are the Majority of Clients or Zeff’s books) or are at least familiar with the concept and willing to learn, he said.
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